Prussian for Sale
by HetaliaShadow
Summary: Ludwig can't deal with Gilbert so he puts him up for sale on Ebay. Now Matthew and Ivan are in a spamming battle for him. highest bidder after 48 hours wins. Will we see some canadian rage? Who will win? Cracked!Canada, so scary, even Kumijiro is scared
1. Chapter 1

**Gilbert- Luddy's a mean person.**

**Ludwig- DON'T CALL ME THAT!**

**Feli- But you said I could call you that!**

**Ludwig- yes, Feli you can.**

**Gilbert- Oh so your boy toy can call you Luddy but your own brother can'?**

**Ludwig- Off topic! Hetaliashadow doesn't own Hetalia. Why do I always end of saying that line?**

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

Ludwig had been up all night doing his paperwork in the kitchen. Gilbert had been playing rock music loudly all night from his room in the basement. Paperwork and rock music did not mix in Ludwig's world. Neither did Gilbert and kitchens, which is why he was getting a headache from the fumes of burnt wurst and drywall.

"Mein Gott bruder! Turn that down! I'm busy!" Ludwig yelled

"You're a workaholic. Have some fun Luddy! Come on I'll play your favorite song!" Gilbert yelled

The music stopped momentarily then Gil blasted through his bass speakers _Hurra- wir leben noch _by Megahertz **(A/N **_**Good song really, so is 5. Marz or really anything by Megahertz.)**_

"Bruder shut that off!" Ludwig yelled over the music. Gilbert didn't hear that. Or the sound of an expensive 300 year old vase crash onto the pristine floor. Ludwig did.

And that is why Gilbert Beillschmidt is up for sale on EBay.

Ludwig got up calmly, found two of his bullets for his pistol, used them as earplugs and opened the EBay window on his laptop.

_**For Sale:**__ Albino ex-nation Prussia named Gilbert Beillschmidt. Height five feet nine inches, weight one hundred and forty pounds. Description: Albino who appears to be 24. Crimson red eyes, platinum hair that is messy, pale skin. Behavior: Loud, annoying, obnoxious .Facts: He will annoy you in some way. Likes beer and wurst. Can be called Gil, Gilbert, Mr. Awesome, East Germany (you may not call him East) will hurt you if you call him Kaliningrad. Warning: Do not let him cook if you like living. Reason for sale: I can't take the noise anymore! Price: (I'd say free but I need a price so you can bid so one euro to start.)_

Ludwig posted that and sighed. He loved his bruder, but he was going to kill him pretty soon. It was for the best currently. Ludwig got a beer, took the bullets out of his ears, and took his work upstairs.

After about an hour he was done. He looked at the EBay window, there were some bidders. A Mathew Williams whose picture ID was a pancake and Ivan Braginski whose picture was a vodka bottle. Ludwig's fired and fumed brain didn't comprehend those people were Canada (who?) and Russia. He saw the time, five forty three and groaned. The bid was up to 29 Euros. He set the bid window for 48 hours and shut off the laptop. He crawled o the bed and fell face first into it, groaning when he felt the bed vibrating from Gilbert's bass speakers down below.

But not even that kept him awake, as he fell asleep.

Meanwhile Ivan and Mathew were in a vicious battle over who would get Gilbert. The prices soared, and angry messages were sent back and forth. And Gilbert, unaware of this all, was drinking a beer watching a video of drunk England singing. None of them knew a peaceful Canadian was about to scare the world.

And that world included Russia.

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><p><strong>Falke- oooh look is a cliff hanger! Don't you love me now? *evil laugh* Onne Chan will enjoy this next chapter. Hope yal liked it.<strong>

**Ludwig- Buy him! Now before I shoot him and get arrested!**

**Gilbert- That isn't nice West.**

**Ludwig- And don't dare call him East or I'll hurt you.**

**Romano- Damnit potato bastards! You're annoying! Review and I'll have the mafia shoot them!**

**Antonio- Roma! That's a little rash. Review and I'll give you some of Belgium's chocolates.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Norway: HetaliaShadow does not own Hetalia**

**Onee-chan Nightray: Unfortunately**

**Norway: ...**

**Onee-chan: by the way, i warn you all about the crazy Canadian anger thats gonna explode in this chappie ^.^'**

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><p><strong><span>~Chappie 2~<span>**

Ivan sat in front of his computer screen, his typicial sadistic grin showing. he had just found something interesting on Ebay.

_For Sale:_**_ Albino ex-nation Prussia named Gilbert Beillschmidt. Height five feet nine inches, weight one hundred and forty pounds. Description: Albino who appears to be 24. Crimson red eyes, platinum hair that is messy, pale skin. Behavior: Loud, annoying, obnoxious .Facts: He will annoy you in some way. Likes beer and wurst. Can be called Gil, Gilbert, Mr. Awesome, East Germany (you may not call him East) will hurt you if you call him Kaliningrad. Warning: Do not let him cook if you like living. Reason for sale: I can't take the noise anymore! Price: (I'd say free but I need a price so you can bid so one euro to start.)_**

Currently he was all alone, his Baltic states have long since run off, Lithuania and Poland both ran away, not to mention Prussia too. He had given up on Poland ever coming back when the blond nation took a bunch of potatoes and threw them through every single window in the Russian's house. **(A/N: I can totally see Poland doing that)**

As he stood up to get some vodka, his screen was illuminated by a new message.

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><p>Matthew Williams sat in front of his computer in a dark, dark room. The slow glow illuminated his face, his fingers were flying all over the keyboard, he was muttering under his breath at an icredible speed about not being forgotten and Prussa being his. He was the poster boy of insanity, literally. On this day, the once calm and peaceful Canadian had cracked, and gone insane. just because he say this on Ebay:<p>

_For Sale:_**_Albino ex-nation Prussia named Gilbert Beillschmidt. Height five feet nine inches, weight one hundred and forty pounds. Description: Albino who appears to be 24. Crimson red eyes, platinum hair that is messy, pale skin. Behavior: Loud, annoying, obnoxious .Facts: He will annoy you in some way. Likes beer and wurst. Can be called Gil, Gilbert, Mr. Awesome, East Germany (you may not call him East) will hurt you if you call him Kaliningrad. Warning: Do not let him cook if you like living. Reason for sale: I can't take the noise anymore! Price: (I'd say free but I need a price so you can bid so one euro to start.)_**

When the Canadian had seen this, his mouth spread out into a maniac's grin.

"He will be mine! Mine! No longer forgotten! No longer! They will all see, they will see." The Canadian was muttering, and laughing so fast the it was impossible to tell what he was saying.

Behind him stood a small white bear, who was staring at his master with wide eyes. "Who?" It asked.

"I will show them who!" The Canadian said, throwing a cup at the wall. Suddenly the fire disapeared from his eyes, "Kumajirou, I am so sorry if I scared you." He said while turing around to face the bear, which quickly ran out. Then the fire returned to his eyes amd he turned around to his computer to furiously type to someone with the name of Ivan Braginsky, who was trying to bid on his Prussia.

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><p>Ivan looked at this computer screen, and spit out his vodka.<p>

"Kolkolkol, who dare threaten Mother Russia. And make me waste precious vodka. Kolkolkol." Ivan started to emit a purple flame. He then drank the rest of the vodka bottle, and started to respond to the message.

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><p>"Nuclear weapons?" The Canadian said, then started laughing sinisterly. "Nuclear weapons don't scare me!"<p>

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><p>Over the past few days, more and more heated messages started flying between Matthew Williams and Ivan Braginsky, who were both unware the other was a nation.<p>

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><p>Germany groaned and woke up, "Only one more hours until he is gone- Mein Gott!" Ludwig said, seing how high the bid went, or should we say how high it was going, every second, either Ivan Braginsky or Matthew William raised the price yet another 1,000 euros.<p>

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><p>A little while later downstairs, Prussia's phone began to ring.<p>

"Oh hey Poland, what's up? Its the awesome me, Prussia."

"Like seriously, how can you not realize your little brother is selling you on Ebay."

"WHAT? THE AWESOME ME? I CAN'T BE FOR SALE, I'M TO AWESOME TO BE FOR SALE!" Gilbert screamed.

"Honestly, I can't like believe that I seriosuly hadn't gotten the idea like earlier, your little brother is totally smart, hes gonna be like filthy rich by the time the sale is over. like seriously!"

"...How high is the bid?" Gilbert said meekly.

"Its totally like over 9 billion euros, make that 9 billion and 500 thousand, euros, totally placed by Ivan Braginsky."

"Wait, IVAN? Oh fuck, fuck no."

"Don't like seriously worry, a Matthew Williams just like made it 10 billion and 780 thousand. Theyre like fighting a maniac war."

"Matthew?"

"Yeah, do you know like him? Wait, Ivan just seriously bid 12 billion."

"How much more time is there?"

"Theres totally like just 15 minutes left. You should totally pack your bags."

"I can not believe mein bruder is selling the awesome me on Ebay."

"You totally gotta start believing it, did you seriously piss him of like again?"

"Of course not! The awesome me doesn't piss anyone off! Oh and can you like buy the awesome me so that I dont fall into the arms of a psychopath?"

"Totally not, cause Liet would like totally murder you the second you would seriosuly like walk in and I totally just used up my budget like yesterday buying like a totally amazing dress that I totally gotta show you later. And damn the bid are heating up, its gone over 34 billion."

"Whos winning?" Prussia asked hopeful.

"That Matthew dude. His name totally rings a bell, but who is he?"

"Doesn't matter"

"He better like let us totally hang out."

"Why?"

"Cause he totally won."

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><p>"Heheheheh~ I won! I won! I won!" Canada yelled, jumping in circles spraying maple syrub everywhere.<p>

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><p>"Umm...Hello?" Prussia called into Canada's dark house, he left his door open. "The awesome me is here and you kinda bought me so I guess I'm yours..."<p>

"Heheheh~ yes you are!" Canada called out from a dark corner and pounced on Prussia, kissing him, and that developed to stuff that is not acceptable for a T rated fic

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><p><strong>Onee-chan: Well folks, that's it. No fluff, cuse its long enough XD. but y'all have imagination dont ya?<strong>

**Prussia: Please review so I can get back to Canada and sign him up for therapy**


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